Admit it-You've missed the Kitty

~
Dear Minions...

I'm back.

Aren't you glad?

My human has been too lazy to update for me and I've been too busy overseeing important things to press the issue. But if my LiveJournal isn't updated, it will go away because they are purging inactive accounts.

So here's a quick update.

They lazy human purchased a small castle that is just perfect for the kitty (castles that are too large are difficult to properly manage)

The bird watching is supurb. The human put up bird feeders outside the kitchen



and living room windows



There is also a special spot for me to take my sun bath



The human also screened off the back porch so that I can enjoy the back yard and gardens without being subjected to racoons, opossums, common cats or those stupid chickens.



That's it for now. I'm late for my nap. Kitty keeps a very busy schedule.



Come back and visit soon

~BK

You only hurt the ones you really love

~
I love, Love, LOVE the toy that Kelly made for me.



But I hurt it, I hurt it badly. And no, the photo is not out of focus; it’s just that shredded (and I ripped it’s tail off, but my darn human yanked it out of my mouth before I could finish eating it, darn her!)



I have another favorite human (so many of them adore me) Linda A (there are so many Lindas’ we have to initial them) gave me a book today. I now officially forgive her for taking my human away for three days on a backpacking trip this summer.



Since I am an exceptional, elegant and cultured feline, this was a very appropriate book and a lovely gift.

I shall use it to help civilize you minions as it amuses me.

Here is your first lesson.

On trouvera toujours l’eau la plus delectable dans la cuvette des toilettes

~BadKitty

Foolish humans

~
I haven’t posted lately and that’s just too bad minions; I don't want to hear any moaning, whining, bitching or complaining about it.

I’ve had things to do.

And my human has been behaving VERY badly (so what else is new)

She keeps going out to play in that cold, nasty white stuff.

The only white stuff I want is the whipped cream off of her mocha.



I always make sure to lick my butt before doing this.

But here’s one of the highlights of my week. My human’s friend Amber has been reading my holiday letters for years.

Being that I’m an enigma and all, the first thing she asked when she came into the house on Sunday morning was “Where’s the cat”.

Well I was hiding from you dipshit; where did you think I was?

She called, begged and pleaded with me to come out. I made a brief appearance when my human shook my food bag, and even sauntered into the living room when they were all seated.

But as soon as Amber got in between me and the doorway, it was all over, I bolted.

When will humans learn.

Everything is on MY terms.

You get to worship me when, where and how I decide.

Stoopid humans.

~BadKitty

Revenge is a dish best served cold - please help me decide how

OK minions…

I need some assistance here.

I need to find the perfect way to punish my human for an unforgivable act against the kitty last night.

Not only did she have the nerve to leave me alone all day to go snowshoeing. Not only did she have to nerve to come home and leave again to go to ZooLights and out to dinner with a friend.

But get this (brace yourselves) she had the audacity to take a bath and lock the kitty out of the bathroom.

No matter how much I yowled, threw myself against the door and stuck my paws under, she stayed in that damn tub.

This is UNACCEPTABLE. There are to be NO unsupervised visits to the bathroom, ever, for any reason.

She claims that when I walk in and out several times before and during her bath in freezing weather, that I let all the heat out.

Tough!

If she doesn’t want to get cold, then maybe she shouldn’t be out playing in the snow and walking around the zoo and night in freezing weather.

She should be home petting the kitty.

So I’m creating a poll.)

I can’t create a real one on LJ, because my cheapskate human won’t give me a paid account.

How should I get revenge on my human (please vote in the comment section)

#1 barf up a wet, juicy disgusting hairball (I just did that, so it will take time to get another good one ready)

#1 chew up a book

#2 chew up a DVD cover

#3 open up all the drawers/cabinets in the kitchen and pull things out

#4 knock things off of shelves/tables

#5 fart in her face

#6 eat her plants

#7 claw something

#8 shed all over something

#9 sulk

#10 give her the stink eye

#11 give her the pink eye (if you’ve ever seen a kitty walk away in contempt with her tail in the air, you’ll know what this is)

#12 other (please explain in comments)

I look forward to hearing your suggestions.

~BadKitty

yes, Yes, YES, BAST YES !!!

OMG…

I have a new favorite human.

Kelly from Kiawah Island.

My human went on and on about the cool Christmas card and the postcards of Sea Turtles (who cares about stupid endangered Loggerhead Sea Turtles other than my hippie environmental activist human?)

Inside the package was an awesome prezzie for ME !!!

It is after all, ALL about the kitty.

It’s a hand knit mouse filled with kitty drugs…

Ooooh

Yeah

Baby

That’s GOOD nip !!!





~BadKitty

I do NOT have a problem

I don’t know what you may have heard from my human, but I do not have a “problem” (now, the slug and champagne, that’s another story entirely)

I just like my nip. And unlike wussy kitties, I don’t just roll around in it and sniff it, I eat it. Yep, that’s right, I “mainline” the good stuff.

Knut and Alice, two of my favorite humans got me the best nip. (oooh, look at all the pretty colors)

I only have one thing to say.

Do NOT touch my nip.



I’ll make you bleed.

~Bad Kitty

Worshiping the Kitty

My human’s friends came over last night to “celebrate the solstice”.

Yeah right. We all know that the only reason anyone comes here is to worship the kitty.

It’s all about me!

I most definitely held court. Everyone adored me (and rightly so, after all, the evening was all about me) I occasionally wandered into the middle of the living room and let them all pet me. Then I’d go hide so that they’d all say, “Where is the kitty?”. Because it’s just not a party without the kitty.

One of my favorite “Icky boys”, Knut, so wants me to love up on him.

I kind of like him more than the rest, but I don’t let him know it, I make him work for it…

The way you “let” a human worship you, is to make them get on the floor and reach. The scoot just a bit out of the way until their all sprawled out like the insane, clumsy hairless monkeys they are.



When you’re really good, you can make TWO of them reach.



It’s even better if you let them bring you a present!

Then they think they’re entitled and they have to show everyone how much you love them.

Speaking of presents, he brought me one.

But he had the nerve to wrap it and try to put it under the tree so that I have to wait for some stupid human holiday to have it opened for me.

Yeah right.

Watch how a real bad kitty gets what she wants…







That’s it for now…

Kitties, go get your presents !

~BadKitty